Monday, July 6, 2009

Birth Stories, Part Three - A loss

I hoped to fill this blog with lots of natural baby and pregnancy posts over the next few months. I was waiting for that 12 week milestone to share our news that we were expecting a baby in January. Now I have a different story...

I've had two natural (unmedicated) childbirths and now I've have a natural miscarriage. Last week Thursday I began spotting. I contacted Debbie, my midwife and I texted my friends from accountability group, called family and asked for prayer. Debbie advised bedrest, calcium/magnesium and some herbs for calming the uterus.

After a fitful sleep, praying through the night, I awoke to see that miscarriage was truly setting in. The entire experience lasted almost a full day (to the hour). The worst was about a five hour span of intense "discomfort" and intense bleeding. I was grateful for my natural childbirth experiences since those gave me tools to handle the "discomfort." Pete reminded me to get on top of the pain and breath deeply through some of the harder contractions. Around 8:00 p.m., my body released the fist-sized placenta. I was grateful that I could not see the baby.

Even though we were 1600 miles from home, Debbie monitored my progress, answered questions and gave us the advice we needed to make wise decisions. It was a physically exhausting. and Debbie had me doubling up on my green juice (Ben Kim's Greens) and Floradix Herbs + Iron to help strengthen me and rebuild my iron from the blood loss.

It has been a process for me to come to the realization of the loss. We did name the baby. We're not sure the sex, but I felt it was a girl so we named her Mercy. I want to share a couple of paragraphs from my journal the day after the miscarriage:

I don't want to think about this baby in a medical way - blighted ovum, threatened miscarriage, chromosomal abnormalities. I was pregnant, now I'm not. It comforts me to know that there is almost nothing I could have done to stop it - it could be the baby died 4 weeks before my body began this process...

All I knew and needed to know was this - God is good. He knew all the days of this child's life before it was even conceived. He could peer into the "deep" where my child was forming. He and He alone chose that this child would not be born. I love Him, I trust Him. I know He is sovereign. The death of this baby did not shock Him - He allowed it to happen by His mercy. I am at peace. Gently He placed this baby into my womb, mercifully He took it out.

4 comments:

Tricia F said...

Carra, thank you so much for sharing. I know how hard it can be to share something so close and painful, especially when it is fresh. Praying for you guys in this loss of a child you loved.

lkh said...

Carra,
My prayers are with you. I cannot imagine the emotional and physical pain you have gone through. Thank you for sharing your life so that others will know they are not alone and their is Hope in their sadness.

Love you!
Lisa

Lisa said...

Correction: THERE is Hope in their sadness.

One of these days I will remember to proofread!

Ersh777 said...

Carra,
I found you blog through facebook and a dear friend of mine is going through this right now-I told her about your blog and she may check it out-we are going to Raleigh for Alison's wedding I am not sure if you all will be there, but if you are I would love to see you all and Rick would love to meet you.

Macy
macy@isiprint.com