Spirituality of Being Weird

I just read an amazing chapter in the Pursuit of God on meekness. A. W. Tozer wrote, "The meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. Rather he may be in his moral life as bold as a lion and as strong as Samson; but he has stopped being fooled about himself. He has accepted God’s estimate of his own life. He knows he is as weak and helpless as God declared him to be, but paradoxically, he knows at the same time that he is in the sight of God of more importance than angels. In himself - nothing; in God - everything. That is his motto."

I live in a world of misunderstanding.  I know we have some "wild ideas" about things, but they are not unfounded, mythical or unscientific.  However after reading the chapter about meekness, I am more profoundly tuned into how much I really care about the opinions of others.  

It's kind of laughable - given some of the choices we've made.  have our babies at home, utilize natural as opposed to synthetic antibiotics (remember how I chewed raw garlic?) etc. cause me to automatically be on the outside of most conversations.

But still it can be hard.  Not hard enough to go eat a hotdog.  

But seriously, I have begun assessing my own meekness quotient.  I recently had a conversation that the person on the other side had no idea how belittling they were toward me.  I had a long talk with Christ in my prayer journal this morning about that.  Meekness = rest.  I don't have to feel compelled to defend myself.  Our family choices are  result of research and prayer.  But I don't even have to say that.  As Tozer reminds me, "in myself - nothing; in God - everything."  I'm satisfied.

Now, I'm going to go install a re-purposed old door as a scandalously large desk inside a closet for a crafting space.  Good times.

Love, Carra

Painting Plans and Ponderings

So here's my wacky little faith in front of the Marmoleum display at the Common Ground Building Supply.

It is a great little shop in Durham, NC.  All of our Mythic junk-free paint has come from there.  I love that there are so many colors available even in the natural stuff.

Right now, Pete and I are contemplating two big renovations. One is the painting of his office.  It is wood panel walls and very dark.  I spend a lot of time in there too (I'm actually sitting in his office right now balancing the laptop on my knees) especially when we're talking about ministry plans and strategies.

It is an interesting dilemma - where I should land for my office-y stuff.  It seems the location is a bigger reflection of my crazy life.  I'm cooking, schooling, gardening (sort of), naturalizing, etc. a big chunk of my life.  And I'm emailing, balancing, budgeting, strategic thinking, and planning another big chunk of my life.  When fall semester rolls back around (and it's coming quickly), I'll be regularly on campus again... so there's another chunk of my life.  My life is very mingled.  My head is mingled as well.  Where will I end up as my "base"?  I guess I'll see how nice the paint job turns out LOL!

Love, Carra

Getting antsy about things

I get antsy sometimes. 
I'm currently antsy.

My life has been on whirlwind high for almost a year.  I miss the lower levels of simply "hectic" or "crazy-busy."  There are just a few weeks left of the semester and then I think I'm going to paint something.

I might redo my blog again (this was the layout and colors before this one).  I think I want more green and purple in my life.  I had the craziest idea today to paint an outdoor table a really bright color.  I think I might just do it.  Since it's outside I think I might live dangerously and use some chemically paint (frugal side talking).  I'll wear a respirator mask and do it while the kids are inside.

I have a twin headboard and three chairs I am eager to paint (non toxic).... 
Curtains to cut off and hem....
Basil to purchase and plant....
Something else to purchase and plant that I have not decided what it will be yet to fill the other side of the garden spot....
A pantry to clean out and reorganize.....

Homemaking is calling.....I must put her on "hold" a couple more weeks.
Then just wait for the blog sharing to commence!

Love, Carra

Dirt Days

When I was a teenager I hated dirt. My parents had a garden (not a yard garden). We farmed acres of tilled soil that produced watermelons, tomatoes, squash and canteloupes (that we sold). I was awakened at terribly early hours of 6 am to go work in the garden. Sorry to say, my attitude was less than stellar.
Well how things change...
I love dirt. I love the smell of freshly tilled up soil. And I love it particularly early in the morning. It's an early spring and I'm ready. Here is Zade beside where I was in the process of repotting some of my houseplants before I began preparing my "yard garden" for my summer veggies.
I had a bucket of water for planting. Zade thought it was pretty awesome...until he accidentally dumped it on himself. I had my back turned so I have no idea how he got it on the back of his head. He wasn't thrilled by the water. But the dirt.....oh, the dirt. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's pretty awesome too.
Love, Carra

Looking for some time to relax!

This should probably subtitled - essential oils are welcome everywhere in our house. I recently read this book called "Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be" by Donna Partow. It's a "normal" book but she surprisingly seems to have some granola leanings. I like it.

One of the assignments (it's a 90 day journey) was to incorporate a cleansing bath at least once a week. I am not a "bather." I like my shower -its quick and doesn't make the bathroom messy. Both my girls get baths (usually together) but those involve soap and scrubbing off the layers of earth built up from their dirt cake endeavors. Zade is kind of bathed on an as needed poopy-directed basis.

But now we are trying to add a weekly cleansing bath for each of us. I call it a "soak bath" for the girls. I don't use soap for them on that one. I add baking soda (cupish) and some lavender and eucalyptus essential oils (3 +/- drops of each). They sit in the bath and play with their cups and washcloths until the water gets cool. I use about the same amounts but add a cup of Epsom salts for me.

If you do this - drink lots of water because this definitely has a detox effect. I'm just ready to go straight to sleep after this bath - lovely!

Love,

Confession #31 - The scariest day of my life

It was.  Terrifying.
I sat quietly in the car. No one could tell.
My heart sank, my mind raced.  I was undone.  I realized somehow that all the stuff I had been doing to be pleasing to God was failing.  I was failing at being good enough. And I knew.

I knew at that point.  Just riding in the car.  If we wrecked, if I died, I would go to hell.
I know that may sound a little overdramatic.  But it was my true experience.  I felt the weight of my failures, I knew that though I had convinced everyone else around me, I was dead in my spirit.

So from gripping fear, my emotions went to desperation.  I suddenly didn't care whether people thought I was a nice girl or not.  All I cared about at that moment was that I needed to be at peace with God.  My sin, my choices, my imperfections....all crashed around me and I wanted freedom.

I had lived the "church girl" life, I knew what the Bible said.  I realized that I had gone thought the motions but never surrendered my heart.  Desperate for relief from the weight of conviction.  Desperate for relief from the pretending I was good...it was exhausting to "be good" with my limited human capacity.

So I did what I had heard preachers talk about.
I cried out to Christ.  I prayed, "Save me from my sins.  Forgive me.  Take my fake "good girl" life and make me real."

He did.
The most terrifying day of my life. I feel the feelings even as I share them here with you right now.  But with the huge difference.... I feel the peace.  I feel the love my Jesus my has for me.  I live with the reality of my continued sinfulness - my "junk" if you will.  But within the reality of my junk is the reality of my freedom and His forgiveness. If you've stayed with me throughout the month of confessions, you know I am far from perfect. But instead of trying harder or pretending, I now get to live in gratitude that Christ doesn't hold that against me.

I was reading a friend's blog and she referenced this video.  It is a little urban so the country may not relate to it as much.  But if you can handle it, I think you will find it some good stuff.

Love,
Carra

Confession #25 - More preppy-ness

I have confessed my love of the natural makeup.  Now I need to share my toes with you.  My friend SC is creeped out by feet.  I kinda like feet.  Not the super smelly kind, but a standard clean foot is fine by me.  If you don't want to read about my feet, you may want to read elsewhere today.

You should know by now that I am picky about random things.  I am super picky about my bed.  It has to be made daily. If it have a wrinkle in the sheets when I lay down, I will get up in the middle of the night to straighten it out.  Yes, I know... poor Pete.

Well I also need to keep my toenails neat and my feet smooth.  I use a pumice stone in the shower, lotion afterward and regularly file down and paint my toenails.  If I feel a "rough spot"on my toenail in the night, I will get up and file it to smooth. Yes, I know...poor Pete.

Did you catch that I paint my toenails?  I just don't feel pretty (even if no one sees them) if my toenails are not painted.  But there are chemicals in those polishes (not to mention the smell)!

I'm so excited - for about five years I've been using Honeybee Gardens natural nail polish.  These are a water-based polish.  I love them for the fact that I can paint my toenails indoors (Pete used to ask me to go outside when I used mainstream polishes).  I have enjoyed being able to "girly-fy" my little ladies even when they were really young.

Quality: I have tried several colors over the years. Some do better than others.  My favorite is "Desire" which is a nice deep, pure red.   Mocha latte is a cool color but doesn't last very long.  Fairy dust is almost clear, so we've switched to Valentine (very pink).  Hippie Chick is a great bright lavender/purple - a true win for the 3 to 7 year olds (or the 36 year old on a bold day).  I've bought them from various places.  Sales vary so pick your colors and then just Google search your favorite online stores.


About my natural makeup...And I discovered that Buff Natural Nail Salon has no link to their makeup line on their website.  They really sell it! If you're in the Triad, NC - it's definitely worth a look.  They will do a "try it out" makeover thing for free but definitely call for an appointment!

Love, Carra

Confession #23 - Naturally Sleepy

So you probably realize by now that I have three children.  I home school.  I teach them lots of things.  The first number they learn is the number eight.


I like to have a quiet house before 8:00 a.m.  On Saturdays (and some Thursdays) I like to sleep until 8:00 a.m. Most mornings I have my time with the Lord between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m.  If the house is "awake" it's a challenge for me to read the Bible and prayer journal.

The first number my children learned was the 8 as displayed on a digital clock. I told Faith when she was around 3 years old that she could get up at 8:00 in the morning.

At 2:38 a.m. I heard a little voice declaring that it was eighty clock and she was getting up.

So I found some masking tape.... and here you go....

Now I will need to do a little reconditioning as we're learning to tell time. Good thing I home school!

Love, Carra

Confession #21 - I'm a Diva (periodically)

If you are a guy and have found your way to my post today, may I invite you to surf elsewhere?  I mean, if you are totally fascinated by the cyclical nature of women and the products they use... be my guest.  But don't say I didn't warn you!

So you know I've shared about our natural birth control, natural makeup, etc.  Continuing along the vein of natural "personal life" -- I want to tell you about the most amazingly cool invention for women!! - the Diva cup!

A while back I was happily using always, kotex and their cousins every month for a week.  My friend CB said she had started using all natural tampons and said they were great.  That was a good reminder to pay attention to that area downstairs.  I already used 7th Generation diapers on the bottoms of my babies because of the bleach, etc.  I hadn't really thought about what I was using with all those chemicals.  So I bought some and switched.

Happily I was using my natural tampons during the day and wore and 7th gen overnight pad for the night.  I just didn't feel comfortable with wearing a tampon through the night because you could get TSS and die.  I've been trained well to avoid that.

So last year my friend DC emails me and mentions, "you probably already use this but..." and referenced the "Diva."  I had read about it a bit but never knew anyone who actually used one.  So I was skeptical.  Well DC is as hardcore Diva as I am about essential oils so her enthusiasm rubbed off on me.  I researched it, selected the appropriate size, ordered one and waited.  It took a while since I was still nursing Zade.

Well, I'm on my fifth cycle since his birth.  I know exactly how many cycles, how long, etc. because of using FAM.  The first one was a little weird.  You mean, I can leave this thing in like 8 hours???  Yes you can!  It's not like a tampon so it's not holding the "stuff" next to your "areas."  It's actually letting everything flow out, just catching it right before the "exit."

You only have to empty it twice a day (but I do three times just because I'm curious).  And you can sleep in it!  And it is as easy as a tampon.  And it cost $20!  And you don't need anything else!!!  I wear a liner when I work out or I know I'll be moving around a lot. Other than that - I really don't leak.  I used to spend $20 every couple of months for the various pads and tampons.  What a huge cost savings!!!  So ladies, are you ready to try the Diva Cup?  I am.  Really, I am right now.  Now that's a confession!

Love, Carra

Confession #7 - I can't spell or type

Ok, I am trying to be a "real" as possible and let you see the truth of my communication skills. I am a really porr typicst.  I told myself that i would not use the back key or spell checj.  Alas, here is the truth.  i am a really poor speller too,  I am so depemdent on my children.  Now some of hte ther these mishtakes are jst that i am a poor typist but if i tried to spell som e of my challenfing words like nauseous or wow - i did it! or perpendsicti, not even gonna try.... LOL!

Anyway - if there wa were no computersor internet,m i'm not sure what kind ogf horrible communicator or holeschooler i would nbe.  i remember being a kid and sasking my mom... how does a camera work?  she knew!  gracie asks me how a camera works, i find a video using google.

i think i did used to know how to spell better.  when i write a letter using a pen and parchment LOL - I often sit at my computer adn look up words to make sure i'm spoelling them properly.

well there it is....embarassing...LOL as i see the red scquill - squiggly lines everywhere!!!

may this bring a laugh to your day!

Love, Carra (at least I can still spell my nme!)

Confession #5 - Preppy Granola

Ok, this is big....this is me with no makeup. I know the makeup / no makeup is not terribly dramatic.  But it sure is to me. I wish I didn't care as much, but I really do.  Alas....I am a preppy granola chick.

So the first picture was taken at 7 am when I got back from spin class.  After a shower and makeup (I didn't have time to dry my hair so it's just pulled back), I snapped the second picture.

I do love my natural, local makeup! It comes from a natural (and high end) nail salon in Greensboro called "buff." I had  great coupon for a basic manicure or I would have never gone in there.

The makeup is called staus.  It's a mineral makeup, natural and made locally!!  You can go in to do a try-on which is nice, fun& girly.  They do sell online and they will do exchanges if you get an off color.  The prices are cheaper than most.  $20 for foundation.  Blush & eye shadow are $15 or $17 and last forever. I've had to buy more foundation but it lasts and lasts.

So unless you are in my spin class at 6am or drop by the house right before I go to bed --- you will find me with at least eyeliner. I confess....

Love, Carra

Confession #2 - Laundry

I would choose to do just about any other household chore other than laundry.  I realize that food is also just "passing through" but there's something particularly futile about laundry.

I do know what to do.  If I go right away and put away the one load out of the dryer, I would have no laundry backup.  I do that sometimes, but mostly....I keep doing whatever I was already up to.  I do have the girls put their own clothes away.  Gracie does 100%, Faith puts the clothes that I fold into her drawers and hangs the clothes (that I put on hangers) into her closet. Pete will jump in there when I'm just overwhelmed.

Speaking of laundry.....At least I don't have to worry about running out of laundry detergent.  I bought a five gallon bucket of Charlie's Soap over a year ago.  Here it is under the counter in the laundry room. It is still over half-way full.  If you're looking for a natural laundry detergent on the cheap - this is your stuff!  You can also use it as dishwasher powder.  However, if you have soft water, it will foam too much.  I learned this when I created a flowing stream of suds out of the dishwasher while on vacation.  The maintenance guy said, please use the powder we provide.   ....ok

I choose many other things to do before the laundry.  Right now, there are three baskets that are sitting in my bedroom.  ....and I'm blogging about it LOL!

Love, Carra

Natural renovations... a reflection of life

I know it's a little 80's... but don't ya see the potential? Pete's not so sure either. Right now campus stuff is just intense and very mentally & physically time-consuming. I think my desire the have a completion point draws me back to the bucket of paint.
What I am so excited about what God has allowed us to do with our lives is invest in college students. It is a privilege (and a rush) to see lives transformed by the true Christ.
Most of my energy is spent handling behind-the scenes things; with Pete in a much expanded leadership role..."behind the scenes" is for a much bigger stage.
So what is it about random ugly pieces of furniture that draws me in?
1. I love watching something beautiful come about.
2. Unlike ministry, there is an end-point. Spiritual growth is unpredictable. But black paint will create black furniture. This provides balance in my life LOL!
3. It reminds me that perfection isn't everything. Each piece I redo has some "uniqueness." So far, I haven't found knobs I like and the thing no longer wants to shut all the way. I'll mess with it more later; see if I can remedy that.
Hope you enjoy a wonderful Labor Day!
Love Carra

Confessions and resolutions

So we are back from Colorado. Some thoughts as I return to a full sized house after living for six plus weeks in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment.
1. We have too much stuff. Granted there were a number of things we missed (cooking equipment, certain toys, etc). However, we do not need nearly the quantities. So this week will be "pay it forward Salvation Army." We can fit more students with less clutter. It says in the Bible that if we're faithful with little, He will give us more. I just don't think that is a hoarding application.
2. We can keep to a solid schedule. Usually my schedule explodes on a weekly basis (that's why we only plan school four days a week). But we had three different places to be & managed to make it. It was good to expeience that and see the wisdom of "your day begins the night before." (flylady reference).
3. We consume too much sugar. I can hardly believe I'm the one (with Pete) that went sugar-free for two years. Now I'm just nutritionally bi-polar. I make my own soaked granola (I should post on that soon), drink filtered water, buy my veggies from our CSA....AND...I love milkshakes from chick-fil-a, mom's traditonal cake from Delicious, iced vanilla coffees, brownies, chocolate milk, etc. What is my deal?
So you sense my frustration as I look into the mirror of reality. This blog is about my natural journey. Well, my journey to the land weirdo natural people took a detour through candyland.
So I'm coming out with my truth. I'm not where I want to be householdwise, schedulewise and foodwise. But gratefully I can't do it alone. I've been talking to God about this. Tonight at dinner, Gracie reminded me that "all things are possible with Christ who strengthens me."
Love, Carra

Interesting truth...my kid's traits that are most frustrating are the very ones I see in myself. So who should I try to "fix" 1st?

Ready to Drink Deeply

We are getting ready to spend several weeks out in Colorado at the National Staff Conference.  I realize spend a lot of my life thinking about feeding... feeding our family, feeding our staff, feeding our students (organic muffins, regular muffins and boxed brownies respectively LOL).  I enjoy planning events and programs, mentoring young women and much of the other various activities of ministry.  One think I don't spend much time doing is reflecting.  I spend time reading my Bible and prayer journaling, but not a significant time examining and reflecting.

One thing I love about the conference (every other year) is the opportunity of be fed myself. To drink deeply of Christ and challenged to think deeply about Him. 

One of the speakers coming is Francis Chan.  I knew the name but never read any of his books or heard his talks.  I just watched this video and it just reminded me of what I'm headed for. 

It's a curious phenomenon.. to be really challenged and yet refreshed. But that is exactly what it is.



I'm thirsty. Bring it on.

Love, Carra

Taking things apart...naturally

I know this may not seem very "natural" in terms of soaking grains, cloth diapering or wrapping mattresses.  However, I want to make a case of the granola-ness of taking things apart.

Personal example: We have two vacuum cleaners.  One we recently bought with a hepa filter for all the lead dust we are likely putting into the air as we remodel our 1962 house.  The other we have had for 10 years (wedding gift from my parents).

The other week I was using the 10 year old vacuum when this horrible noise came out.  I admit, it startled me and I screamed.  When Pete came home I described the horrible noise to him.  He went to investigate, turning the vaccum back on.  I know I should have been prepared, but it scared me again (yes, I screamed again). Thought you might appreciate that :-)

Well, the vacuum seemed quite dead.... But then Pete took it apart. Though the vacuum is old after a bit of investigating, Pete was able to locate the broken part, ordered it, put it back together....all for under $20. See the cool chunk missing from the wheel of suction?  I don't know the technical term, but wheel of suction just sounded cool.

I love what can be learned from taking things apart.  Not everything can be fixed of course, but there's all kinds of options for repairing things that save us money, let us learn something and keep our landfills a little less "full."

And when things cannot be repaired (such as a broken cassette tape), we give them to Grace with a set of precision screwdrivers.  She is diligent to take every bit apart and not let any of it go to waste...for example, here's what Zade would look like as a brunette.

Love, Carra

I'd Like to Introduce You to Someone...

My friend and colleague Michelle shared a review of the book Imaginary Jesus (here).  She shared on her blog about her own "imaginary Jesus" (here).  I was inspired and wanted to share with you my own.

My imaginary Jesus was "Fix It Right Away Jesus"
I lived most of my life being very familiar with the Gospel, Jesus and christianisty.  One aspect of God's character that I "missed" most of my life was the gift of suffering.  If I was in pain (emotional, physical or just uncomfotable) - I would pray.  This pain was most likely an accident that it had come into my life.  Fix it Right Away Jesus would say "oops didn't mean to let that discomfort happen to you."  

About 10 years ago my "Fix it Right Away Jesus" was confronted with the Real Jesus.  A friend shared his testimony to a Bible study I was in - a tragic story of loss - I could barely handle hearing it.  But he challenged us, "Here's wishing you hard times."  Fix it Right Away Jesus knew the gig was up. Real Jesus was in control of everything that happened to me - even the hard things.

Real Jesus showed how He would be with me through the tough times, not flying in to relieve me of my every discomfort.  I have had more pain in my life in the last couple of years (see here, here and here) than ever before.  I'm so glad I met the Real Jesus.  Instead of the imaginary Fix it Right Away Jesus who said, "get away from this pain" -- the Real Jesus held me close and challenged me to lean into the pain.  Real Jesus has led me to know Him better because of the pain.  Real Jesus allowed the pain into my life and is sovereign over both good and bad.

Even now, "Fix it Right Away Jesus" sometimes shows up in my fears of the unknown and suggests I manipulate my situation to escape. But Real Jesus challenges me to trust Him more, He gives the pain meaning and through Him I experience real peace.  Thanks Michelle for challenging us to consider the imaginary Jesus in our lives.  Who is your "imaginary Jesus?"

Love, Carra

Like Herding Cats...the perfect photo

 

Love, 

Carra

Creative Camera Work

So we bought a new camera....The old one had some issues.....Pete fixed the issues (by knocking it off the desk - yes, on purpose).  It now works better. 

Gracie wanted to take some pictures.  We decided to let her use our old camera.  Most of the videos and pictures - we were completely unaware she was taking.  Nothing like being caught on film to make you accountable LOL!  Here's a creative song she made up and filmed one day when we were occupied doing other things. I'm impressed.  What do you think?

 

Love, 

Carra